People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.
~ Richard J. Needham
The term “brutal honesty” can be traced back to Kim Scott’s book Radical Candor. Since she wrote the book, many have been (falsely) quoting from it using the term “brutal honesty”.
Radical Candor describes a communication style that combines directness with empathy. It encourages leaders to be both challenging and supportive, helping employees grow and thrive. Whereas brutal honesty focuses, by the very nature of the term, on the disregard for the feelings of others.
When communicating with your peers and employees start from a place of curiosity and empathy. Your goal is to set the people around you up for success, not some deluded ego trip (and if it is, you need to get help).
This comes to bear specially when giving feedback to your colleagues. Both human and organizational factors make feedback difficult to master. People struggle with fear of confrontation, unclear communication, and defensive reactions when giving or receiving feedback. And others, due to their upbringing or personal power trips think that being brutally honest when giving feedback is the solution.
I’ve coached many teams and sometimes I encounter people (usually higher up the food chain) that, when confronted with their violent management style start blaming their teams instead of introspecting on their behaviour; it’s a difficult situation most of the times.
A healthier approach is to practice honesty with kindness, ensuring that truth is shared in a way that helps rather than hurts. This means being mindful of timing, tone, and the recipient’s feelings while still expressing what needs to be said. Thoughtful honesty fosters trust, deepens relationships, and encourages meaningful conversations. Before speaking, it’s worth considering whether your words are not just truthful but also constructive—aiming to build understanding rather than simply delivering a harsh reality.
I teach a workshop for giving and receiving feedback, in which I give them tools to improve their communication style when giving and receiving feedback (making sure that there are only two kinds of feedback: positive and corrective) in their team environment.
When was the last time you gave (or received) feedback?